Why Can't I (Liz Phair)

So Much..
So much I want
To say to you,
Too many reasons
Why I can’t..
Imagination runs wild with
Thoughts of unattainable things;
Actions that can never happen.
I wonder why.
Why you ?
Why me ?
Why now ?
It almost doesn’t seem fair
For you to have those
Eyes I can’t stare into
And
Those lips I can never kiss.
I know I shouldn’t tell you this
But..
I feel like I’m falling.

And I’m scared.

*written 12/08

Addicted (Kelly Clarkson)

…And I’m An Addict

I’m having withdrawals.

My heart has become addicted

To your love.

I crave that connection to…

Another human being.

And after much consideration

I’ve realized it’s not exactly you

That I’m missing.

It’s what we had before life got in the way.

That thing that used to show glimpses of itself-

Happy flashes that never seemed to last too long.

I miss the possibility that we could have that again;

Maybe have even more.

But your “love” was bad for me.

So I had to give it up.

[I had to give you up.]

It wasn’t making me feel good anymore,

Just going through the motions out of habit.

Chasing the dragon-

Always trying to feel that first high again.

We both know

We’ll never get that back.

You said it best,

“We need to detox from each other.”

Well, so far it’s been 31 days.

Don’t I get a chip for that?

*started on 9/6/11 . finished 10/9/11*

Answers (Boomkat)

- Pinch Me -

How do you measure the loss of a dream?

In tears,

Sleepless nights

Or (broken)heart beats..

[A romantic fantasy unfulfilled despite your finest efforts.]

Pouring all of yourself into someone else’s heart

Only to have them wring you out.

I lie in a puddle at her feet as she steps over me-

And then she is gone.

Yet,

Here I lay a liquidy mass of mixed emotions.

Yearning to learn how to pull myself back together.

So, how do you measure the loss of a dream-

The loss of a love that was (maybe) never

Meant to be..?

I guess it’s just time to wake up.

8/11

Complicated (Rihanna)

- Cart Before the Horse -

It’s funny how fast things can change.

And by funny,

I mean utterly tragic.

Just today I was wondering if it

Was too early to put the picture of

Us back on my nightstand.

You know-

The small

Red and White one,

With the heart shaped cutout

Displaying our (young) smiling faces.

And then you called…

Yeah.

It’s definitely too early for that.

Beautiful (Eminem)

Rearview (Mirror)

You know what they say about hindsight, right?

That it’s 20/20.

Or some shit like that,

I don’t know..

But maybe they’re on to something.

Because when I look back

On who I used to be-

It is not a pretty picture.

I was a

Self-centered,

Anger obsessed,

Emotionally crippled,

Insecure,

Little

Bitch.

Consumed by my misery

And

S p r e a d i n g __ it __ around.

Not the best way to go through life

But then again I was oblivious.

[Hence the whole “hindsight” theory.]

And while it wasn’t easy

To admit such things about myself;

It was absolutely imperative

In order for growth to happen.

And I hope I never stop growing.

4/11

Sure Thing (Miguel)

My Heart Has A One Track Mind

I’ve been trying to

Clear my head.

Trying to let it all go

And start fresh.

The walls were

Closing in on me

Back home.

I needed to get out-

Needed to get away.

So I left everything behind

In search of some “clarity”.

Yet all I keep finding is

You.

You refuse to leave my head

But more importantly

My heart.

1/11

Letters From The Sky (Civil Twilight)

A Strong Weakness

How is it possible to feel

weak and Strong at

The same time ?

Each day that passes

Without her makes me

A little bit stronger.

Yet,

I feel weaker each morning

Waking up alone.

Longing for her to be

In my bed-

Missing the comfort of

Her arms around my body

And her kiss on my lips.

12/10